The Frozen Angel

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"The frozen angel"


Did I ever told you how I survived that expedition, all those years ago, being trapped in those ice caverns on the north pole?

I was saved by an angel.

Yes I know what you think. it's what I always tell everyone nobody believes me. The thing is that everyone forgets that not all angels have wings. It is said that Angels are protectors and heralds: that they come from the sky to give a message.

The truth is that I am not as strong as they think. I had already accepted my fate. I was the last survivor of our expedition, no water, no food no escape from those dark caverns.

After weeks of walking I decided that I would sit and wait for the end in a nice spot. It was too high to climb even in my prime, much less when I was feeling so weak from hunger and the cold. But it was place where you could see from a distant hole in the top,  the starry night and far away planets. "A suitable place to die," I thought to myself .

But after a strange sound I realized I wasn't sitting in any ice. Using my last flare I could see that It was the corpse of a man.

"You got lost too?" I chuckled.  "At least we can see the stars,"  Maybe I was crazy talking to a corpse but he was my only companion and you must know how I hated silence and being alone.

Unlike me, he seemed so peaceful for someone lost. That's when I realized this man never had the intention to leave  or escape. No, he was actually guarding something. On his right hand he had a bracelet with a strange blue jewel. He was holding a necklace, in his hands,  with such ferocity that it took me, what I think were hours, to to be able to take it from him.

I took a closer look it had a silver looking metal with a strange symbol that resembled and eight or maybe and "s". I couldn't tell for sure. Specially not whine suddenly began to glow. I dropped it, and I won't lie to you I thought I was either hallucinating due to the cold or maybe I was seeing the doors of heaven.

The cavern I was in began to glow. That's when the corpse raised from the ground and that skeleton took the form of an old man in a toga. He was glowing and he began speaking to me.

"Are you an angel?" I asked him. But he ignored me, as if I wasn't there, he just began to talk. I was too weak and scared to try anything, so I just  listened like if I was watching a movie.


---A last will from the grave---


My name is Zor-el scientist of the supreme council of Krypton, son of the house of el and member of the cult of Rao.

"These are the final hours of my life, this is not a tragedy for I've accepted my fate.  As I give my last breaths I give my final confession to you. My greatest hope is that even if my body will die my greatest treasure will survive."

 "Don't be fooled by this human form I took. I come from  the distant planet Krypton," he pointed at a black spot in the sky.

"Long ago,  It  was the universe's  center of knowledge and science. In the fallen city of Kandor there was the pride of our whole civilization as it had the legendary library, the repository of knowledge of my people. Species from all the known galaxies came to seek the wisdom on it's halls. My brother and I were it's guardians"

 "We called it the  fortress of meditation or for some solitude; After all one needs the other to get enlightment. At it's heart there was the  crystal of  wisdom, it had stored all of the knowledge of my people, and other words. Millenia of scientific progress.

"The science council refused to believe my brother Jor-El of the demise of krypton. Not out of ignorance but out of arrogance in our power. We believed ourselves to be gods," for the first time he dropped his seriousness and chuckled to himself ," How foolish we were."

"But a secret group of us did believe him, the cult of Rao, believed in the prophecy of Rao. That from the ashes of krypton we would rise as gods.  We would rule this planet; a young yellow sun bestowing us power beyond our dreams and with the people of  these planet as our servants, krypton would rise a new" Zor-El spoke.

I won't lie when I heard this words of an invasion of alien gods, my spine was chilling more than the cold ever could. But for some reason, even with the world at risk, I just couldn't stop hearing at that man.

"While my brother tried to save krypton, I was sent here to open a doorway ; a portal that would lead us here. Maybe it was right we all died," he continued. " The moment we see ourselves as god we become tyrants, I have faith that the house of el will rise once again, not to rule , but to serve," he continued

"After Zod's uprising my brother opened my eyes. I betrayed my people, so yours might live; so our sons would become better than we ever were." the man looked at me, acknowledging my presence for the first time.

"Please keep her safe, "

--- Miriam Awakens--


"her? Maybe it was a translation error, but that crystal sounded so very important ," I wondered. I could relate as I also had an object very dear to me. I still had some photos of my wallet of my family, but I still dared not look.

Before, I could grasp what was happening or even dare to ask something, the man disappeared just as he had arrived. He was only a skeleton in the ground again. But the necklace was glowing, and as it's shine, opened a chamber made of ice,  guiding me to a place where I finally saw what the treasure he was guarding, the one he spent his finals days protecting. It wasn't the crystal of power nor a treasure or even a weapon.

There was a girl frozen in ice, yet living.Her blond her was as golden as the sun and her closed eyes were hiding eyes as blue as the sky in a sunny day. She was dreaming, waiting to breath, to laugh, to be mad, to cry. For she had lost everything....

She was my angel.

And she wasn't alone as a woman, that looked just like her, was hugging her. Both were also wearing that blue jewel. I tried to wake her up from her slumber, but sadly by touching her cold and taking her pulse I quickly realized she hadn't survived.

This time a female voice spoke, from the necklace spoke,  the voice of a desperate mother.

"My Name is Allura in Ze, I was many things on krypton I was a respected scientist; a fighter but I die as a mother. Tell our little girl we love her even if we aren't with her anymore. Even if We made her  forget about us; about her past so she would be free of our past mistakes. Tell her our love for her will follow her forever and it's my greatest wish she will be happy. Let her know, It's not the power of this sun; but her will to stand for truth; for justice, the power from her heart and the kindness in her soul; that will make her more than a girl, not as a goddess, but as a symbol of hope, as a super girl. But above all, tell her we will love her forever. "

To be honest I never understood half the things they were saying. Before I could ponder of her words and be sure if I wasn't dreaming. The crystal the girl was sleeping opened without warning. I touched her arm and I could feel a faint pulse, she was alive! I covered her with sweater so both of us might have a chance to survive. She seemed so precious as she was fragile, as much as a girl would be in a cold storm.

I finally had a reason to live to keep going. I would keep this girl safe even if I died trying, I didn't stop walking, carrying her in my arms. What my desperation to survive never could, the hope she might  did, after what felt like days, I  finally found an exit. I kept walking outside, looking for help, until my legs wouldn't move, even as much as I tried.

"Mom, Dad, Where is Kal-el?. I Put him in his craddle; that ship... I...I feel cold," she murmured in her sleep.

"I don't know . But I promise their sacrifice won't be in vain." I smiled to the girl in my arms, I gave her the necklace as I tried to give her the heat of my body so she would survive.
 
Later and helicopter looking for my crew rescued us. They said they saw my flare and praised my strength of survival.  But I told them it was an angel's shine. For me it was too late as my legs would never move again. But I don't regret anything as she was safe. Some say I saved her; I say she saved me.

'''Miriam and Moses ''

Present day


I tried to ask her about her past, but she couldn't remember anything, well anything except her name, the name of my angel: "Kara". Only the scar in her heart, the void of those she lost remained with her. Sometimes in her dreams she spoke of people made of energy and cities made of crystal. She didn't seem to have any powers or anything special,  rather than an outsider, she was like any of us, that girl had the basic desire of every kid; to be with her family.

I never knew what happened to her after I gave her to Mivale's orphanage, as I never looked back.  As her parents wanted; I made sure she would have a normal life, it wasn't hard as she didn't have any powers as her parents feared. But even if  her memories were gone,  she never quite stopped trying to find those she lost .

"My name is Virgil Swan, and this is my final message to the traveler; Kal el. You are not alone; the one that put your in your cradle; In your basket through the stars; the frozen angel is here and she is looking for you."
© 2015 - 2024 MYTHICSONOFGOD
Comments2
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SolarLunix's avatar
Hello, hello, like SolidMars, I too am from ProjectComment here to give you my critique and input. : )


Section 1

Paragraph 3:
:bulletblue: There should be a comma after Yes
:bulletblue: it's should be capitilised
:bulletblue: You might want it to read: always tell everyone, but nobody believes me.
:bulletblue: You may want to remove the word "that" after "heralds:" to make it read a little easier.

Paragraph 4:
:bulletblue: You need a comment after "no food"

Paragraph 5:
:bulletblue: Watch out from starting sentences with "but" too many times. It become monotonous. Also, I'm confused as to why a sound would make the narrator realise they were sitting on a corpse.

Paragraph 6:
:bulletblue: Either the comma after the word "stars" should be a period, or "Maybe" should be "maybe" 

Paragraph 9:
:bulletblue: see SolidMars' comment above 

Paragraph 10:
:bulletblue: Is it a corpse or a skeleton? And if it is a skeleton why would it be hard to get a necklace from it?

Last Paragraph:
:bulletblue: You may want to move this to after the first paragraph in the next section.
:bulletblue: You should change the last sentence to:
... so I just listened as if I were watching a movie.
or
... so I just listened like I was watching a movie.
(Personally I prefer the first rendition)


Section 2

Paragraph 1:
:bulletblue: You need quotes around the first paragraph. 
:bulletblue: If the same person is talking in the next paragraph, you don't need to close the quotes.

Paragraph 4:
:bulletblue: You need to make the first "It" lower case.
:bulletblue: The second sentence is a little bit chunky. .
:bulletblue: Last sentence: its not it's
:bulletblue: You need a period at the end of the paragraph

Paragraph 5:
:bulletblue: fortress of meditation or for some solitude makes absolutely no sense. 
:bulletblue: Either change the ; to a . or change "After" to "after"
:bulletblue: other worlds

Paragraph 8:
:bulletblue: my spine was chilled
:bulletblue: I couldn't stop listening to the man

Paragraph 9:
:bulletblue: we see ourselves as gods
:bulletblue: You're missing a period at the end of this paragraph

Paragraph 10:
:bulletblue: The man looked...

Paragraph 11:
:bulletblue: Change the comma to a period.


Section 3

Paragraph 1:
:bulletblue: Capitalize "her"
:bulletblue: I still had some photos of my family in my wallet

Paragraph 2:
:bulletblue: Before I could grasp
:bulletblue: Be consistent with if it is a corpse or a skeleton.
:bulletblue: Second sentence, you need to make "it's" "its" 
:bulletblue: I also don't understand how the necklace opened a chamber made of ice. I don't think that there is enough information to really guide the reader as to what is going on. Maybe it lit up a path to the chamber made of ice... give a bit of direction.

Paragraph 3:
:bulletblue: Her blond hair was...
:bulletblue: Perhaps wait to talk about her blue eyes until she is unfrozen.

Paragraph 5:
:bulletblue: You should change it to And she wasn't alone. Another woman that looked just like her was hugging her.
:bulletblue: By touching her cold what? 

Paragraph 7:
:bulletblue: Put a period after the first krypton. 
:bulletblue: Sentence 3: We is capitalized randomly in the middle of the sentence.
:bulletblue: Sentence 5: It's is capitalized randomly in the middle of the sentence.

Paragraph 9:
:bulletblue: I'm curious as to why he doesn't understand.

Paragraph 10:
:bulletblue: You might want to put a period after trying instead of a comma.
:bulletblue: I don't understand where he's walking with her and what's going on, and what is happening with the girl in this paragraph.

Paragraph 11: 
:bulletblue: Where did the helicopter come from?
:bullerblue: See SolidMars' comment above about he helicopter.
:bulletblue: How did they see his flare from inside "days ago" to rescue him? Flares don't last that long and light from a flare won't travel that far...
:bulletblue: I don't understand how she saved him...


Section 4 

Paragraph 1:
:bulletblue: The sentence about the scar seems a little odd, it needs just a little work.
:bulletblue: other than being an outsider
:bulletblue: You split the last sentence as so: ...she was like any of us. Kara had the basic desire of every kid; to be with her family.

Paragraph 2:
:bulletblue: Why did he give her to an orphanage if she was his angel?


Overall thoughts: 
It was a pretty interesting story. I wish I knew more about Kal el and more about our narrator. I'm also curious about how long ago it was that he found the "angel", and how she was an angel to him. As SolidMars said, as far as leaving her in the orphanage, it doesn't really make sense that he left her in the orphanage if he owes his life to her. Plus, if our narrator told Kal el she was close, how would he know the girl was 'here' and looking for the Kal el, especially if the girl also lost her memory and the narrator doesn't know what ever happened to her. 

You definitely have a great story here, and I hope the critique helps you a little bit. Good luck with sprucing up the story a bit, also watch your extra spaces.